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Why Boundaries Don't Work

It defies common sense to attempt to get someone in addiction to change and it defies common sense to keep setting them up for failure and you up for disappointment.  I am often asked ‘how do I get my loved one to respect the boundaries I have placed on them’.You guessed it you don’t because you can’t – your loved one in addiction has a brain ruled by the drug and that brain has no interest in changing the status-quo.  The drug is in charge as we have previously discussed.Whe...

The Mirror Effect - keeping it simple

It is interesting to think that those who are impacted by a loved one's addiction are lead to believe 'this is as good as it gets, until your loved ones decides they want to make a change.  It awful being stuck in the fear, turmoil and chaos of your loved one's addiction with little or no hope of change.Your loved one in addiction has a 'Cycle of Active Use', the cycle keeps going around and around, and like anything needs to be broken if things are going to change.  What you probably ...

How do I Help My Loved One

If you are like nearly 100% of the people I work with or who contact me about the impact of a loved one in addiction – you are probably expecting this post to be all about why you cannot help your loved one change – after all that is what everyone is telling you when you ask this question!Before we go any further, I want to make it clear – you can help & support your loved one in their journey toward change – but not by the way that you are trying to do it now.What DOES NOT work:Bein...

Boundaries for Self - keeping it simple

Living with a loved one’s addiction in your life is hard enough without your loved one consistently and constantly breaking boundaries.  There seems to be no trust, no respect, no barriers to treating family or friends badly – and the chaos, resentment, hurt, and harm keeps building.How do I know this????  From my personal experience, from the family members I work with and from the addicts I work with too.  Everyone, without fail, tells me that 'their' loved one is not who th...

Why do they keep doing what they do....

Living with a loved one’s addiction in your life is hard - life changes, your family changes, and you change!! How do I know this????  From my personal experience, from the family members I work with and from the addicts I work with too.  Everyone, without fail, tells me that life is a living ‘hell’ much of the time. When a loved one keeps using despite the problems that drinking or drugging is causing, this indicates your loved one is ‘dependent’ on Alcohol or Drugs – ther...

12 Steps - Today's Thought

The 12 Step Model of addressing Alcoholism & Addiction has been around for over 90 years now – a model is great for those drinking or using drugs & who are wanting to STOP & STAY STOPPED.  The problem is this model does not always work for families….. Good messages from this model: Insanity: Doing the same things over and over hopping, wishing, or expecting a different outcome!! – you need to stop this – or you will go crazy!!  Every family member, every addict, even ...

5 Reasons Why The System Is Broken

When you have a loved one in addiction or when you are in addiction yourself, there is a false truth that Rehab is what you need to get clean.  Sadly this is not the case, as many people who seek change never actually get to a rehab and when they do they are either kicked out, walk out or are graduated with an ineffective relapse Prevention Plan.  No wonder the stats of success are so low!!  The System is Broken – not the people who work in it ‐ Working in community, working ...

5 Myths About Alcohol & Drugs

People need to hit ‘rock bottom’ before change is possible – NOT TRUE change is possible when other’s care and work together to give the best possible motivation to change This is not my problem – NOT TRUE if you are impacted by someone’s use then it is your problem, and you need to consider taking responsibility to at least try and do something about it for yourself!! Because my child is using alcohol or drugs, they will become dependent – NOT TRUE not all people who experiment ...

Overcoming Your Loved One's Addiction - change the focus

Living with a loved ones addiction in your life is hard - life changes, your family changes, and you change!!   From your old life - to the new reality where suddenly the world is revolving around the person who is using - the drinking or drugging & how to stop them doing this.  Your focus on life shifts too.  You become afraid, terrified and soon to be desperate to get them to change.  Trying to hatch a plan - how do I get me loved one to change??  This stuff ...

A mothers story

My eldest son, the apple of my eye, beloved of all the family, was a top sports man and high academic achiever at school… But I started to see changes in him which I just knew were not right and eventually his addictions gradually came to light. It has been an excruciating road to travel, 13 years to date.  In the course of this journey I sought the counsel and support of Rosemary. I have to acknowledge that at times I did not want to hear what she had to say, as I just wan...