As someone who cares you have a 'Mirror Cycle' in response to your loved ones cycle of active addiction
It is interesting to think that those who are impacted by a loved one's addiction are lead to believe 'this is as good as it gets, until your loved ones decides they want to make a change. It awful being stuck in the fear, turmoil and chaos of your loved one's addiction with little or no hope of change.
Your loved one in addiction has a 'Cycle of Active Use', the cycle keeps going around and around, and like anything needs to be broken if things are going to change. What you probably are not aware of is that those who care develop their own response to their loved ones cycle.
Here is where it gets interesting - you know all the days, months or years you have been desperately trying to break your loved ones cycle - or simply you have been trying to get them to stop drinking or drugging, what if you have been looking at the wrong 'cycle'. Lets explore this a bit more....
Your Loved One | Your Response |
|---|---|
Drink or Drugging | What are you feeling & doing |
When they are high | What are you feeling & doing |
Their coming down | What are you feeling & doing |
The 'calm' | What are you feeling & doing |
Tension builds | What are you feeling & doing |
Seeking alcohol or drugs | What are you feeling & doing |
And then it is back to the start of the cycle. What you may notice, even if your loved one is not living with you, how you are feeling and responding probably has been dictated by what your loved one is doing. You know that the fear, chaos and stress you are experiencing is a Mirror (or is as a result of) the chaos and stress in your loved ones life. What if this wasn't in their control???
Simply put you have been trying to change the wrong thing, to reduce the fear, chaos and stress in your life you just need to change your responses to your loved ones active use cycle. After all that makes sense, changing self is the only thing we can change!
Changing self requires stepping back from your loved ones cycle and accepting you cannot change your loved one in the way you have been trying. It doesn't work and you're only creating more pain and stress for yourself. And guess what - your loved one doesn't even know you are desperate, in pain & drowning!
Think of what happens when you drop a 'rock' in a pond - the water ripples out and impacts everything close to the area - what I call the 'ripple effect'. What we need to do is to change - first who you are focused on 'fixing'.
Change your focus to 'you' and you getting well - to do this you will need to change some of your responses that are causing you stress and creating turmoil in your life - to learn more about this read my blog on 'You Are In Charge of Your Reality'.
The changes you make put you back in control of your life and these changes become the 'rocks' that you a dropping in the middle of your loved one's cycle of active use. These changes are positive chnages for you and the effect does ripple out to impact your loved one.
This does not guarantee they are going to change but it will put you in a better place where you can begin to reclaim your life and put you in a place to enjoy life again - regardless of what your loved one is doing.
There is a bonus too, the better you get at this, the more likely you will be able to learn how to influence positive change for your loved one.
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